youtube friday

Youtube Friday Timesink – 4.1.11: Indefinite Flavor Crystals

Street Fighter 2 is 20 years old, which makes me feel like I’m 1,000 years old. As a kid I would play in arcades and get destroyed by younger child prodigies despite my “Select E. Honda, hit punch over and over and over” technique. Similarly, I just ordered Super Street Fighter 4… why did I do this? I’m gonna play it for about a week, get killed over and over by younger child prodigies that will question my sexuality and ethnic background, then I’ll throw it in the pile of games I don’t play. Here’s a Kirk Cameron-looking dude in a backwards hat just chillin’ at the mall, talkin’ bout street fighters. Happy birthday!

Season 5 of The Whitest Kids U Know is starting next week on IFC. I think it’s the only channel my TV gets because I never switch channels. One night I watched Portlandia, Mr. Show and Evil Dead 2. In a row. Independent Film Channel? More like Infinite Fantastic Content. More like Instoppable Flawless… Characters? I don’t know. Here’s Little Hitler.

Summer Blockbuster Review in March? Yes. Also GoBots.

Who do I trust, the ad executives who always lie to me, or the general public, who is always wrong?
Something Awful’s Current Releases

I was having a conversation with my future wife about summer blockbusters that I’m looking forward to seeing, and then remembered that I hate everything and quickly changed the subject to which actress would make a better Catwoman than Anne Hathaway. Our short list included Jocelin Donahue (from The House of the Devil), Sigourney Weaver, Linda Hamilton, Karen O, Nicki Minaj, Danny DeVito, our cat… pretty much anyone other than Anne Hathaway. Heath Ledger made a great Joker because he licked his lips a lot and then he died; he’s going to be tough to beat. Furthermore, do I want to deal with Christian Bale and his ri-goddamn-diculous Batman voice? All signs point to –> click this link to see what all signs point to.

But that’s next summer, right? This summer I’m looking forward to Super 8, J.J. Abrams’ take on Spielbergian action/adventure movies from the 80’s. This is a great idea! Do this! All the time! NEVER STOP.


And that’s about it! More shitty comic book movies, more movies starring action figures, more cartoons. You guys are doing great. Film Industry: I’m almost 30, I have $20, I like gigantic drinks and cold theaters. I really want to give you my money but you insist on releasing movies I don’t care about. Who the fuck is the Green Lantern? Did he ever fight the Green Hornet? Is he the same person as the Green Hornet? If not, you should consider changing the name of your superhero because the Green Hornet movie bombed, and nobody likes Seth Rogan anymore. How about Bright Lantern? That makes more sense. Or even Yellow Lantern if it has to be a color. I’ll take two tickets for Bright Yellow Lanterns, please.

Let’s talk about Transformers for a second, can we please? Maybe it’s because the transforming robots that I played with as a child were of the GoBot variety, but I could not give a smaller fuck about these movies. You see, I — no, seriously, I played with GoBots as a kid. Oh sure, go ahead, laugh at the old man with the knock-off toys. My parents didn’t know the difference, ok? Maybe it helped me learn to be more accepting of the less fortunate, but you have to admit – this thing is awesome, and I played with it nearly every day of my life until last year. Fuck Transformers. GOBOTS – HOOOOOOOOOO…



Youtube Friday Timesink – 3.18.11 and shit like that.

Adidas All In featuring Civilization by Justice. New Justice track! I really want to be part of one of the Adidas subcultures seen in this ad. Maybe I could be friends with the skater that falls into the pool. I’d be like, nice ollie Travis! That’s Travis, always taking it to the limit. You guys see those new shelltoes? TIIIIIIIIGHT.

Kevin Smith and Shit. I’m from New Jersey and shit and came of age during Kevin Smith movies and shit like that. I was dorky enough to go to the Quick Stop in Leonardo and shit and stand out in front of it smoking cigarettes and shit like that. So his last movie and shit had the cats Tracy Morgan and shit and Bruce Willis and shit like that and I thought huh and shit, this shit might be kinda funny because I love that cat Tracy Morgan and shit. But it really just made me want to shit and shit like that because that cat Stifler was in it and shit and, c’mon, really? Shit?

Acting Masterclass: Kevin Spacey (from The Peter Serafinowicz Show). I will never get tired of the slow clap that turns into a humiliating lecture.

Youtube Friday Timesink – 3.11.11: I hate videogames for about 30 seconds.

Terminate Rudeness. When sending your Terminator back in time and out into the world, it’s important that he minds his p’s and q’s. Did he really need to yank that gigantic bearded man that looks like a character from Punch Out out of the phone booth? No, really, look at that guy… he’s straight out of Punch Out. Did Nintendo send him back in time to test the public’s reception of mountainous bearded dudes?

Super Mario Bros. Next Gen. I’m sick of shooting things in games. I played the demo for Bulletstorm and 5 years ago I would have been like, YES. But now I’m very much, NO. See, you can shoot people in their butts and get bonus points and launch them into the air and sodomize their corpse and your guy says stuff like, “Skullfuck my shitlog you fucking titbutt shitcock” because he’s extreme and good at compound naughtiness. Anyway, Super Mario Bros. Next Gen replaces all the bleepy bloopy sound effects with the realistic sounds of today’s games and exemplifies the type of shitfart fuckpow assthing I’m talking about and you know what? Fuck video games.

Nevermind, I love videogames again. Thank you Fantastic Mr. Star Fox.

Youtube Friday Timesink – 3.4.11: Unplug This Bastard

Charlie Sheen on 20/20 (Bi-Winning Remix) by Ludachrist. Just when I’m like, OK, I have to stop listening to what Charlie Sheen has to say, and realize that he’s an embodiment of Nietzsche’s Ãœbermensch, Ludachrist comes along with a new remix and is like, nope. This is still great, and all I do is win win win. Ludachrist also has two great mixtapes available for free at

Rubber, the story of Robert, the killer tire that makes people’s heads explode, is apparently available On Demand, and has been since February 25th. How this snuck by me I have no idea, but I’ll be On Demanding this shit straight into my home, brain and life as soon as I finish typing this sentence because, I mean, c’mon bro… killer tire movie with music by Mr. Oizo. Also, if you come across a person that’s been killed by a murderous tire, you are forced by law to say that he or she looks tired.

I love the podcast Uhh Yeah Dude more than pretty much anything in the world. Here, Jonathan and Seth discuss Roy’s Street Coffee and Tea by Starbucks on Cap Hill. It stinks in there. And I now refer to all Starbucks as Throwbucks. YOU THIRSTY?