{"id":56,"date":"2010-11-15T21:24:43","date_gmt":"2010-11-16T02:24:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.supertmh2.com\/?p=56"},"modified":"2011-02-25T16:19:44","modified_gmt":"2011-02-25T21:19:44","slug":"tmj-more-like-tma-ok","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.supertmh2.com\/?p=56","title":{"rendered":"TMJ more like TMA-OK"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"\"<\/a>

Hate you Tony Hawk and your love of grinding.<\/p><\/div>\n

I avoided seeing a dentist for about three years for a few reasons. First, I always seemed to get the hygienist that could turn a routine cleaning into a homicidal bloodbath. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153YOU HAVE WEAK GUMS!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she would scream over the whirring of the steam-powered water blade that removed the plaque-filled chunks between my teeth. Geysers of blood erupting from mouth, splashing off her face mask and dripping back down on me as she asks me if I believe in the word of God. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re brushing too hard!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d scrape scrape scrape \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not flossing hard enough!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d poke poke poke \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Are you using toothpaste or baby diarrhea? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Then the dentist would come in, look at my mouth for three seconds and say how fantastic it looks and send me on my way with a plastic baggie full of travel-sized oral cleansers that I clearly had no idea how to use. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Have a great day!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d said the dentist, while the hygienist is over her shoulder, mouthing the words, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I am going to fucking kill you,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d with a dental pick held up to her head like a pistol.<\/p>\n

So that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s one reason. The second reason is that they stopped taking my insurance, so I took it as a sign that I should find a new dentist. That never happened because I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m an incredibly busy, fancy man. Long story short, three years later my teeth start to hurt so I find a new dentist, lose considerably less blood during my cleaning, and all is well. UNTIL DOT DOT DOT<\/p>\n

Dentist:<\/strong> So it looks like you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been grinding your teeth. Do you think it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s while you sleep, or…?
\nMe:<\/strong> Hmm, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not sure (grind grind grind) what you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re talking (CLAMP) about.
\nDentist:<\/strong> You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re grinding them right now.
\nMe:<\/strong> No, this is just that thing that everyone does. Y\u00e2\u20ac\u2122know like when you lock up your muscles and your jaw clamps shut and your hatred for life disappears for –
\nDentist:<\/strong> …
\nMe:<\/strong> – a few seconds? Y\u00e2\u20ac\u2122know that thing?
\nDentist:<\/strong> That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not a thing.
\nMe:<\/strong> Oh, right. Actually I meant that other thing where you bite down on your teeth really hard because it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the only thing that makes sense in the world. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s totally what I meaNT AH HA HA HA OH MY GOD IT HURTS SO (GRIND CLAMP CRUNCH) FUCKING GOOD!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nothing like hearing from a medical professional that something you absentmindedly do every day is incredibly bad for you. She dunked my head into the spit sink next to me and I regained my composure. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m now scheduled for a mouth guard fitting to protect my fragile teeth from myself while I sleep, and this is not embarrassing at all! Two of my heroes, Rocky Balboa and Lil\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Wayne both use mouth guards, and they don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take shit from anyone. I encourage you to enjoy a generous helping of our Cadillac greels. In the meantime, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m learning to recognize my grinding triggers, and so far I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got waking up, making coffee, driving to work, sitting at my desk, reading the news, drinking coffee, working, driving home, playing Halo, watching television, updating my blog, preparing myself for sleep, saying my prayers and sleeping. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve also come up with some good alternatives – now every time I feel like grinding my teeth, I just chew on a ball of tin foil, smack myself in the head and scream, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153SO STUPID,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d over and over until the urge passes. Which, after a few hours, it usually does.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I avoided seeing a dentist for about three years for a few reasons. First, I always seemed to get the hygienist that could turn a routine cleaning into a homicidal bloodbath. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153YOU HAVE WEAK GUMS!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she would scream over the whirring of the steam-powered water blade that removed the plaque-filled chunks between my teeth. Geysers of blood erupting from mouth, splashing off her face mask and dripping back down on me as she asks me if I believe in the word of God. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re brushing too hard!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d scrape scrape scrape \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not flossing hard enough!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d poke poke poke \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Are you using toothpaste or baby diarrhea? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n

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