{"id":49,"date":"2010-11-01T20:32:04","date_gmt":"2010-11-02T00:32:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.supertmh2.com\/?p=49"},"modified":"2011-02-25T16:21:10","modified_gmt":"2011-02-25T21:21:10","slug":"rescue_911-fell-down-well-save-my-life-lmao","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.supertmh2.com\/?p=49","title":{"rendered":"@WillieShats – fell down well, save my life lmao"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

Technology has the power to save lives. Remember William Shatner Presents: Rescue 911<\/a>?\u00c2\u00a0The premise of the show was that normal, everyday folks would need rescuing (because they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re trapped under ice, their car stalled in the middle of a monster truck rally, or they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re flattened under an avalanche of dish detergent), and through the powers of telephony, a police officer (played by William Shatner) would Rescue 911 them. The most advanced piece of technology on the show was a rotary telephone – a live operator would actually speak to the person in need of rescue and be like, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do you know where you are? Can you give me the coordinates of the bear that stole your baby? I NEED YOU TO STAY CALM MA\u00e2\u20ac\u2122AM.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Rescue 911 probably still exists in one form or another for normal people. But people that actually matter, namely celebrities and celebratants, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know how to dial numbers on their phone when they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re in trouble. Thankfully, Foursquare and Twitter, two of the most powerful Webintosh 2.0 HTML5++ technologies known to man, are like Rescue 911 (and its spin-off, Rescue 227) for the Hollywood elite.<\/p>\n

\"\"

Saving you with my poignant status updates.<\/p><\/div>\n

The bass player from 30 Seconds to Mars scalded himself on a latte. That part of your hand between your thumb and pointer finger. NO! HIS GOLDEN HAND MUST BE SAVED. In the late 80\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have to find a pay phone, dial R-E-S-C-U-E-9-1-1 with his good hand and wait days for an ambulance to take him to the hospital. But this is 2010 – he checks into Starbucks via Foursquare then posts \u00e2\u20ac\u0153@JaredLeto<\/a> ouch just brunt myslf at strbcks gonna sue these fucks lmao\u00e2\u20ac\u009d on Twitter. Thirty seconds to Mars later, Jared Leto blasts through the front of the Starbucks on a golden motorcycle which grows wings and whisks the bass player to safety. The music industry is saved thanks to Twitter, Foursquare and, to a lesser extent, Jared Leto\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s golden motorcycle that grows wings for some reason.<\/p>\n

Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you see? Social media saved his goddamn life! You thought Foursquare merely provided a way to virtually watch Paul Reubens eat a sandwich<\/a>, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s so much more. Take this extremely real set of circumstances, for example – sketch comic extraordinaire Chris Kattan<\/a> is eating lunch with a celebrity gal-pal at Spago. I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say who the gal pal is, but I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll give you a hint – Cheri Oteri<\/a>, probably. Anyway, they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re enjoying their appetizer (Dungeness Crab Raviolini – kind of a small portion for two, but they were saving room for their entree) when A HOSTAGE SITUATION BREAKS THE FUCK OUT. Thanks to Twitter, we can recreate the events of that horrifying afternoon –<\/p>\n

chriskattan<\/strong>: Having lunch with a very special friend @ Spago. Talking about the good ol\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 days! You canna toucha the Mango lolololololololo
\nchriskattan<\/strong>: Ummmmmmmmmm… a bus boy is getting really loud with Josh Hartnett a few tables over. Everyones staring awkwaaaaaaaaaard
\nchriskattan<\/strong>: OMG he just punched Josh Hartnett in the face! Check please LMAO. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be taking my lunch TO GO, Wolfgang! ;)
\nchriskattan<\/strong>: Wait, now a bunch of other bus boys have barricaded the doors and they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re making demands. Only in Beverly Hills!
\nchriskattan<\/strong>: WHOA they just shot the hostess! All of my KattanFans – please BBM the police. Check my foursquare for the address (also, add me!)
\nchriskattan<\/strong>: @WillFerrell it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been a while, but you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not gonna believe the day I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m having. Night @ Roxbury 2 might not be happening. FML
\nchriskattan<\/strong>: POLICE ARE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
\nchriskattan<\/strong>: Situation defused. Very special thanks to the Beverly Hills police and all of my KattanFans!! Gonna go home and watch \u00e2\u20ac\u0153the mask\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Somebody st
\nchriskattan<\/strong>: op me!<\/p>\n

Someday, real people like you and me will have heavily followed Twitters<\/a>, Foursquares<\/a>, and ApplePings<\/a>. Then, our adoring fans will pamper us and call the police when we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re in trouble and give to our important charities. Maybe someday I will personally save your life if you star in one of my favorite movies<\/a> or write my favorite song<\/a>!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Technology has the power to save lives. Remember William Shatner Presents: Rescue 911? The premise of the show was that normal, everyday folks would need rescuing (because they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re trapped under ice, their car stalled in the middle of a monster truck rally, or they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re flattened under an avalanche of dish detergent), and through the powers of telephony, a police officer (played by William Shatner) would Rescue 911 them. The most advanced piece of technology on the show was a rotary telephone – a live operator would actually speak to the person in need of rescue and be like, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do you know where you are? Can you give me the coordinates of the bear that stole your baby? I NEED YOU TO STAY CALM MA\u00e2\u20ac\u2122AM.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n

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