{"id":23,"date":"2010-04-06T15:15:41","date_gmt":"2010-04-06T19:15:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.supertmh2.com\/?p=23"},"modified":"2011-02-25T16:24:40","modified_gmt":"2011-02-25T21:24:40","slug":"lollapaloozas-1994-lineup-reviewed-by-jim-derogatis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.supertmh2.com\/?p=23","title":{"rendered":"Lollapalooza’s 1994 Lineup Reviewed by Jim DeRogatis"},"content":{"rendered":"

Jim DeRogatis of the Chicago Sun Times\u00c2\u00a0 is the greatest music troll in the history of music trolling.\u00c2\u00a0 Lollapalooza’s 2010 lineup<\/a> was officially unveiled today, and Jim is here to arbitrarily assign star ratings to bands he’s never heard of and tell you how much your music sucks<\/a>.\u00c2\u00a0 Gogol Bordello is a jam band, ok guys?\u00c2\u00a0 Wolfmother puts the “head bang” in “head bang.”\u00c2\u00a0 But this isn’t the first time he’s done this!\u00c2\u00a0 Check out this article he wrote in 1994, skewering the Lolla lineup and cementing his place in history as the music critic for people who don’t listen to music.<\/p>\n

Lollapalooza’s 1994 Lineup Reviewed<\/h2>\n

by Jim DeRogatis<\/p>\n

Well, it’s April of 1994, and I just received the list of the piss-poor headliners for this year’s Lollapalooza. Oh how I yearn for the golden summer days of 1990, when Lollapalooza didn’t exist.\u00c2\u00a0 Here’s what Perry Farrell has in store for us this year (picture me saying pssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh in a really biting way right now):<\/p>\n

The Smashing Pumpkins<\/strong> – The sonic dreamscape shoe-gaze metal bangers will float down from heaven on a golden chariot of nihilism and underground “cred.”\u00c2\u00a0 And by “cred” I mean “credentials.”\u00c2\u00a0 Or “credit?” Whatever, I wish 4 Non Blondes were headlining instead.\u00c2\u00a0 \"\"<\/p>\n

Beastie Boys<\/strong> – The bratty Brooklyn pranksters are back! Hopefully they can recapture the magic of their famed License to Ill tour, complete with giant inflatable penises and drunken shenanijinks.\u00c2\u00a0 Instead, they’ll probably ask us to free Tibet (like I don’t have enough on my plate already).\u00c2\u00a0 \"\"<\/p>\n

George Clinton and the P-Funk All Stars<\/strong> – More like Bill Clinton and the A-Gore Funkmonsters.\u00c2\u00a0 Also, have you heard about Pulp Fiction?\u00c2\u00a0 John Travolta is playing a bad guy!\u00c2\u00a0 What is this, Welcome Back Kotter?\u00c2\u00a0 I mean seriously.\u00c2\u00a0 Seriously. \"\"<\/p>\n

The Breeders<\/strong> – Pixies ripoff.\u00c2\u00a0 \"\"<\/p>\n

A Tribe Called Quest<\/strong> – These are the Shaolin Monks that I’ve been hearing so much about right?\u00c2\u00a0 With the bright orange robes?\u00c2\u00a0 Classic stuff.\u00c2\u00a0 \"\"<\/p>\n

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds<\/strong> – Are we really still paying attention to what Nick Cave has to say?\u00c2\u00a0 The Birthday Party (or as they were originally known [and I still call them] The Boys Next Door) was like 20 years ago.\u00c2\u00a0 Just play Red Right Hand in front of the toilets because \"\"<\/p>\n

Nirvana<\/strong> (rumored) – Seattle yucksters will be serving up indecipherable lyrics with a side order of ear-melting feedback.\u00c2\u00a0 Then they’ll (thankfully) trash their instruments and sulk off the stage. \"\"<\/p>\n

L7<\/strong> – These handsome fellas sure know how to bring the noise.\u00c2\u00a0 Smell the Magic?\u00c2\u00a0 More like Smell the Chorizos, which is what I’ll be doing while I eat chorizos instead of watching L7 do whatever it is they do.\u00c2\u00a0 \"\" (strictly for the chorizos)<\/p>\n

The Green Days<\/strong> – Punk rock innovators The Green Days will be taking the stage… if they decide to show up!\u00c2\u00a0 That would be so punk rock of them to not show up!\u00c2\u00a0 Expect songs about masturbation and piercings (if they show up).\u00c2\u00a0 Oi oi oi!\u00c2\u00a0 \"\"<\/p>\n

Other bands that you should give a sideways glance towards on your way to the merch booth to pick up a Lollapalooza foam finger –<\/p>\n

–
\n–
\n–
\n–
\n–<\/p>\n

Yeah, that’s right.\u00c2\u00a0 None of them.\u00c2\u00a0 If you somehow wind up accidentally attending Lollapalooza in 1994, you’d be better off finding a shady spot, staying there until 1995 and praying for a better lineup.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jim DeRogatis of the Chicago Sun Times is the greatest music troll in the history of music trolling. Lollapalooza’s 2010 lineup was officially unveiled today, and Jim is here to arbitrarily assign star ratings to bands he’s never heard of and tell you how much your music sucks. Gogol Bordello is a jam band, ok guys? Wolfmother puts the “head bang” in “head bang.” But this isn’t the first time he’s done this! Check out this article he wrote in 1994, skewering the Lolla lineup and cementing his place in history as the music critic for people who don’t listen to music. <\/p>\n

More at supertmh2.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[7],"tags":[25,28],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pO5V2-n","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.supertmh2.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.supertmh2.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.supertmh2.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.supertmh2.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.supertmh2.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=23"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.supertmh2.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.supertmh2.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=23"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.supertmh2.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=23"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.supertmh2.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=23"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}