These toons will make you feel brand new, their captions inspire you.

Whether Roger Ebert chooses to admit it or not, we have a lot in common. We both gave Spice World zero thumbs up and we both enter submissions to the New Yorker cartoon caption contests every week. Unlike me though, he finally won! That’s just… that’s really funny. New Yorker cartoon captions are known for their sharp whit, their ageless giggle factor and their ability to make you say, “Huh. That’s a caption all right.” Below you’ll find some of my recent entries to the contest. I usually print them out and write the captions with a quill, but I digitized them for you below. You’re welcome.


"I'm not going to pay a lot for this muffler."


"Why are you sitting all the way over there? Did I forget to shower this morning or something? Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."


"Our house is about to jump off this cliff because it is sad."


"I went to the rope store today. They had a sale on candelabras."


"My name is Hunter S. Thompson and I have bees all over my face because I'm on drugs."