Autoblow 2 – Frequently Asked Questions

A lot of people ask me, “Hey John, what do you do for a living again?” And I say, I’m a technical writer. I write software documentation, error messages… and at this point I see their eyes fluttering and rolling back into their heads. I administer the smelling salts and they regain consciousness. “Oh yeah yeah, hey wow that sounds really fascinating,” they yawn as they check their imaginary beeper and mumble something about “having to take this.”

ab2Granted, writing sentences like, “Step 5: Click the Install button to install” is not very fulfilling. So that’s why I offer my tech writing expertise to products I feel strongly about, completely unsolicited and without warning. Such as the recently crowdfunded robotic blow job device, the Autoblow 2. Oh you know, it’s just the revolutionary stroker that’s powered by a standard wall plug, works with 3 interchangeable sleeves, and features a motor that’s rated to last over 500 hours! It’s only the hottest jerk bot around, having raised over $280,000 on indiegogo from sticky-fingered philanthropists.

Clearly the makers of the Autoblow 2 are proud of their product. “THE BLOWJOB ROBOT EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT” screams their website. Lots of videos and testimonials, nice font choices, etc. But their frequently asked questions page? It’s a goddamn disgrace. Ooh how long will it take to ship to my unmarked storm drain? Durr how often do I need to change the  ejaculate filter on this thing? Pitiful. Here are some frequently asked questions worthy of this miracle device:

Q: I’m thoroughly enjoying my Autoblow 2. But I have to ask, what happened to the Autoblow 1?

A: Customers found the Autoblow 1, codename BONE DRONE, to be too lifelike. Much like the uncanny valley, we created virtual blowjob technology that was too perfect for this world. So perfect that the human mind couldn’t comprehend the sensations delivered by BONE DRONE. Therefore, it had to be destroyed for the good of mankind.

Q: I don’t know how to say this, but… I think I’m… I think I’m falling in love with my Autoblow 2. Is this normal? It’s normal right? There’s nothing wrong with me. This thing feels good, and I’ve earned this. I work hard every day, and I’m a well-adjusted, capital N Normal fella. Right? Please tell me I’m right. I’m leaving my wife.

A: We’re so happy that you’re enjoying your Autoblow 2 experience! Never contact us again.

Q: I’m sure you get this a lot, but can this thing jerk me to death? Or near death? Basically I want to look God straight in the eye as I climax, is there a setting for that?

A: Although “Death Jerk” is not a supported feature of the Autoblow 2, the device can be jailbroken to accommodate custom settings. Please note that installing custom firmware on your device voids the manufacturer’s warranty, and we cannot be held responsible for any ejaculation-based death, near death, or afterlife experiences.

You can watch me scream and yell all of my recent posts on AwesomeTalk! It airs every other Tuesday at or constantly on our YouTube channel.

Here read this for a while (@vineyille)


I had a meeting with the supertmh2 crew this afternoon and we’ve decided to join Google, Wikipedia, Reddit and our sister site, The Hanson Superfan Funletter ( with a SOPA blackout tomorrow.

What does this mean? will not be updated tomorrow. This is because of SOPA.

Will the site be back the following day?
In an attempt to really drive the point home that SOPA is an evil bill (and not just a bill like the poorly animated Schoolhouse Rock character that’s probably named Bill), don’t be surprised if we don’t update for a few more days after that.

What is SOPA?
It’s the Stop Online Piracy Act, and it gives the feds the ability to flick a switch and erase your finely crafted web presence if you link to pirated content like screener copies of Earth Girls Are Easy. Jim Carrey is 50 fucking years old.

Is the official supertmh2 twitter account (@john_tmh) also affected by the blackout?
YES, probably but follow me on twitter just to make sure.

I’m an e-journalist and I wear a fedora with an index card stapled to the side of it. The index card reads PRESS. I did some research and saw that you registered your previous domain through, and they’re in bed with SOPA, thereby you sir are in bed with SOPA and you I’m going to press charges to the tune of 7 trillion BitCoins. How can you sleep at night?
I sleep on a pile of pirated copies of Earth Girls Are Easy. He is seriously 50 years old.


I made some new Google+ circles for incoming Facebook friends.

Add me! (but only if you’re going to post animated gifs all day every day).

“Can he move it like this?” asked Pretty Raheem ft Flynt Flossy

Hello! It’s been a pretty crazy few months you guys. I got married, I sipped the finest wine the Amalfi Coast had to offer, and I directed a music video starring Pretty Raheem. It’s called “Can He Move It Like This?” and I think you’ll find the answer quite surprising (no, he cannot move it like that, unless you’re talking about Pretty Raheem, which, if that’s the case, then yes he can, and I’m embarrassed that you even asked in the first place).