The original urban legend that started it all goes something like this – You’re walking around in a major metropolitan city, minding your own business, when all of a sudden someone comes up behind you and covers your eyes. You turn around and standing there in front of you is Bill Murray. To quote GZA in Coffee and Cigarettes, “Bill Groundhog-Day, Ghostbustin’-ass Murray.” Before you can say anything, he whispers, “No one will ever believe you” and he either walks away or vanishes in a puff of smoke, depending on who you believe.
Did this ever happen? I mean, it’s not impossible, right? The guy shows up at minor league baseball games to collect tickets, he tends bar unannounced at South by Southwest, chances are if we do Awesome Talk long enough, he’ll become a member of the gang without us even noticing. The purpose of this article is two-fold – one, I want to create fresh new Bill Murray urban legends for future generations. The second fold of the aforementioned two fold thing I’m working with here is to invite Mr. Murray to turn these urban legends into urban realities. And if we’re being honest here, I want us to become best friends. So, I guess this article is now like my wallet: TRI FOLD, BABY.
Bill Murray Urban Legends (2014 Edition):
A Fresh Take on an Old Classic. You’re walking around in a major metropolitan city, minding your own business, when all of a sudden someone comes up behind you and covers your eyes. You turn around and standing there in front of you is Bill Murray. Before you can say anything, he screams, “AT LASTÂ I AM FREE OF THIS LOATHSOME CURSE.” You are now forced to walk the earth as Bill Murray for the next thousand years, delighting the world with your antics, but sometimes you’re the voice of Garfield in the Garfield movie.
The Candyman and/or Bloody Mary Summoning. The rules are simple: in the dead of night, under a blood red moon, step into your bathroom and turn out the lights. Be careful not to trip over your accursed bath mat. Stareth into the mirror and thrice speaketh the name of the MUR-LORD – Bill Murray. Bill Murray. Bill Murray. The walls bleed, a children’s choir chants spooky stuff and HE rises from the tiled floor. He will re-enact his cameo from Little Shop of Horrors and if you’re lucky, field some Q+A. Do not ask him about his role in the Garfield movie, that was a huge misunderstanding.
The Funeral Crasher. You’ll never believe where Bill Murray showed up this weekend! TMZ was first to report that the beloved Ghostbuster and man about town was spotted in the back row of a funeral service in Evanston, Illinois. Cracking jokes and cracking cold ones, the uninvited veteran actor held court well into the night, and even gave an impromptu eulogy filled with behind the scenes tales from Tinseltown. When asked for comment, funeral director James Maloney said, “Of course it was a huge surprise. I mean, not only did Bill Murray crash a funeral, he crashed HIS OWN funeral! I don’t even know how he did it… who the hell did we just bury? It’s been a pretty crazy day but I’m happy that he’s still alive. It’s just… y’know… too bad he starred in that Garfield movie that one time.”
You can watch me scream and yell all of my recent posts on AwesomeTalk! It airs every other Tuesday on our YouTube channel, where you can also find past episodes and other psychotic vlog vids.